Monday, July 30, 2012

"I'm Not Freaking Leaving"


When Abraham inevitably writes his self-published autobiography, I suggest the title be "How I Effectively and Embarrassingly Ended My Career In Show Business".  Seriously, babe, I LOVE you to pieces, but that advil that they gave you for your ankle was almost definitely laced with some kind of PCP.  Never trust anyone on a reality television set, not even the medics, kid.

"I was supposed to be a laywer; I gave up a lot to be here."

Like your parents' hard work paying for college, and a salaried career.

Honey, just remember, you asked for bitchy. Well, now you're getting it.

 "Amber here is so tenacious, she broke here foot in rehearsals! Let's hear it for Amber!"
"Nice try Botox; I'm still suing."

How fabulous was she?  Also, how fabulously was she dressed? Clearly another member of the Glee costume gays' scorn.


What I find truly bizarre is that this was gearing up to really be Abraham's week: 'Survivor' should have been the perfect time for him to work in all of his trademark fierceness.  Instead, we got the twitchy diva stuff that's plagued him from time to time during the competition.  More on that later.


Except my screenshot ordering says we're getting into that right now.  Here's the deal: Abraham has a lovely tone to his voice, but he very obviously has no idea how to use it.  Pretty much everyone on the show has been pushing this 'androgynous' angle for him to pick up (Ryan, Nikki; and c'mon, like 'Man In The Mirror' and 'Bowie' were accidents) and all the while, he fought against their help, and insisted that he was Beyoncé's Asian twin.  Far be it from me to side with Ryan Murphy, but honey? You're 24, have practically zero professional experience, and these people who, like it or not, totally know their shit inside and out, and were basically handing you a role to play on Glee: try listening.


I originally was pretty flippant about this whole fiasco, until I noticed the fall Abraham took in the upper corner of one of the frames--his head smacks into that door really, really hard.

 "Can I get an icepack real quick?"
"Wait, icepacks aren't tenacious! You're trying to trick me! Fuck it, SHOOT ME IN THE ANKLE."

Of course, after that he starts going a little insane.

"Abraham playing up his ankle is what's screwing him up today."

Wait, Abraham is overreacting to him over-thinking something otherwise completely innocuous?

NO WAY.


Abraham was pretty good in the video--his voice ended up really working with the song, even though the whole thing was pretty intensely mixed.  He was just really, really cute throughout.


And this also had me really, really impressed.  This is what I'm talking about, with the androgynous thing: this Michael Jackson song is really tricky to sing, but Abraham's got just the vibe and voice to pull this kind of thing off. In a way, it's kind of sad he had to go home, because this episode you could really see just how far he'd come as a performer--it would have been nice to watch him continue to grow.


Instead, THIS HAPPENED.

I actually think instead of me telling you what I thought of this fiasco, that I'd just remind you of what the master of bitchery had to say:

 "Listen here you entitled little twink."
 "I am responsible for half the careers in all of cable and young Hollywood right now; I fucking fired Lea Michele for christsake."
 "And you think, what? Because you can make your voice sound like a lawnmower chewing through "Crazy In Love" that I'm just going to write you a role on Glee? The most popular show on cable?"
"I don't think so; this is how this is really gonna go:"
 "I'm going to give you the finger, and you're going to get your fucking moonboots off my stage."
 "Now leave my sight before I sick Jane Lynch on your ass."
 "..."
 "..."
"...so, no freaking role on Glee?"
  "GO."

Seriously, I'm am bowing down to that beacon of bitchery right now.  I have a serious new found respect for Asshat McBitchpants right now.

7 comments:

  1. PREACH!! Thank you for putting your love for abraham aside and telling the truth. That is what i love about you Sam. Myabe he thought he was being tenacious by walking back out on stage, but instead she just showed that he should go back to law school.

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  3. It's a little weird looking at this episode, b/c in his interviews Abraham says he busted his ankle back in Danceability. Okay, fine-- so this one will probably be harder than any other b/c you have an obstacle course to do in one take, and it takes you 34 to do it; that would suck on a busted ankle. But why, if he has a bad ankle (or even a potentially bad ankle), does he not have a brace (prime example: Shanna and her busted knee). Did he think those moon boots would really offer proper support and keep him steady all day?
    I have no idea what he thought he was going to accomplish by trying to tell off RM-- maybe he thought if he showed him the other side of the spectrum from ass-kissing, it would prove his versatility as an actor? Apparently though (like the flattery), it really did not work.
    And, as someone with two siblings that went to and came out of law school, I think Abraham made the right choice dropping that, but maybe he needs a new new dream...

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  4. I honestly have no idea what the hell he was thinking like who goes to your future boss and be like give me a role on glee or else lol when I first saw this scene I knew how'd it turn out , the kid had talent but come on now lets be serious nobody out bitches Ryan , too bad too I was kind of wanting a rad Asian kid for the show.

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    1. Sam has been challenged to out bitch Ryan?

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  5. I think I admire Abraham because, hate on me, I would have done the same exact thing, I wouldn´t be able to control myself and would have gone to Ryan. I've done that before, and yes, it has sometimes come out wrong, but people, is YOUR DREAM: when you see the posibility of it ending, you need to go for it, even if you need to go incredibly far.
    I'll always be Team Abraham because he thought me how to love myself even if everybody hates on your intensity and call you diva or androgynous.
    I just... still love him

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  6. I think Abraham is incredibly talented and he is good. He knows he is good too. Last season, Lindsay knew she was good. This season, Shanna knows she's good, and so does Lily. They all just knew how to play their angles and not push it. Abraham is just...meh. He knows he is good, but he has to over do it and he has to have a self righteous attitude. Maybe a lot of it is editing, but I really did not want him to win :/ . Probably the best Male singer this season, but definitely my least favorite now. He was top 5 at the beginning of the show for me though.

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