Monday, July 23, 2012

Bottom Bitches

So, I'm presently finding myself in a very strange situation:


Defending my accidental arch-glemisis, Lily Mae Harrington.

Whose name TOTALLY sounds like a pretty legit super-villain, no?

"I AM theatricality; have you seen how I conduct myself in sedate social situations!?"

You gotta love a girl who knows she's the shit when she's CLEARLY the shit.  I mean, I don't know what 'A Chorus Line' is, or what a chorus line is, but I do know one thing:


Lily Mae Harrington owned that motherf*cking chorus line.

Girl completely wiped the floor of everyone else as soon as she got on stage: THIS is the Lily I was missing--the fierce, fabulous, in-your-face kind of diva that this show needs her to be.  I mean, honestly, who else is going to kill it with that much pop?

Lily, sweetheart, I'm not going to apologize to you, because being from Massachusetts too, you should know I'm way too Irish and stubborn for that shit, but I will say I am totally ready to jump right back on the Lily band wagon after this tour-de-force of a performance.  BRA-VO, girl.


And to prove it to you, I'll even give you some love in pointing out that EVERYONE, from Zach to Eric, all told you that you basically had to give really good energy and pretend to be some kind of celebrity in order to nail this--which you TOTALLY did--and then all of a sudden, you're in the bottom because...you didn't act like Cindi Lauper? What kind of horseshit mushrooms was Zach toking that day?

And PS, your Cindi Lauper wasn't that far off.

God it feels good to be back on your side, girl.


Although, if I can manage a minor critique, it would be that she could have maybe been a little goofier, but other than that, she was great in the video.  Even if the first time I watched it I was like "Carmen Miranda?"


I really don't want to talk about this song for personal reasons, but rest assured, her performance was stunning--best of the night.

"Cindi Lauper isn't an icon! I can act my way through a firing range!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!"
"Girl, chill...this is GLEE, for christssake.

And then, of course, THIS had to happen.

Lily needs to learn to quit when she's ahead, because this little tirade? Probably just cost her the entire competition.  Ryan was totally on her side--hell, even the mentors were like "why did we put her here again?"--and she had just unleashed that AMAZING vocal onto them, bumping her up the ranks like whoa, and then...nope.  While I still respect what she was saying, there had to have been a less expletive-y way to say it.


And then there's this little disaster to consider.

Up until now, I think I've been a little too nice to these kids, including Abraham. But hell, we're getting down to the wire here, they just sent their best singer home, and Aba-fierce still thinks that the fierce cousin of 'spirit-fingers' is going to get him through this?  Girl, think again.

 "Hey twinky looking sidekick, wanna have some fun?"
"Please don't hurt me."

And then THIS happened.

"Hey Kool-Aid, you've got an androgynous performing style." 
"OMG!! Nikki, how could you say that!? I am, like, SO offended, girl." 
"I didn't even get to the...this is easier than I thought! Now sing, twink."
 "WAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
 "Oh, my precious, delicate ears!"
"How they DELIGHT in the sound of your baffling agony."

But seriously, for real Abraham? Did you not know what 'androgynous' meant?  Because you've essentially been describing yourself with one version or another of that word up until now.  I mean, you coined yourself Abafierce.  That makes you, what, Bruce Willis?

It's rare that Nikki seems to be irrevocably confused by what the hell is going on in her studio, but she was totally right--it's not a hard question, and she wasn't at all out of line for pointing out something that's really a strength to Abraham: he is an androgynous performer--hell, he's kind of an androgynous person most of the time.  That it should have a positive connotation to him, and yet he took it as an insult actually made me a little upset with him.

"Flo, gurl, dats muh rul hur!"

But instead of dwelling on that, let's just giggle ourselves shitless at how masculine Abraham was in the video:


GIG-GLE.


I really liked Abraham in the video, but I mean, for fucks sake, if that wasn't like, the most flamboyantly feminine portrayal of David Bowie ever I honestly don't know what is.  Abraham, you're twenty-four years old.  It's really time to move past the fact that, yeah, you're kinda fey, and onto more important matters.


Like remembering the lyrics to your last chance performance songs.

It pains me a bit to say this, but this should have been Abraham's swan song.  If someone has an identity crisis that severe after a highly experienced industry professional who has surveyed and studied him over the course six weeks gives him a note about what his performing strengths seem to be, and then on top of that, he under-performs in all categories for the week, there's very little that I can say in the way of defending him.


He had good energy in the video and the LCP, and the red nail polish was a cute touch.  Other than that, I'm kind of at a loss for reasons Abraham should have stayed this week.

2 comments:

  1. I'm also one of those few people who are still on board the Lily train. I don't mind her giving attitude every now and then, because every time she does I can see her as a Glee character. Lauren Zices was one of my absolute favorite characters of season 2, but her lack of singing ability really held her back. Lily can be the re-do of Lauren Zices, except a lot cuter and with an amazing voice to boot. And yeah, I can see how her little tantrums can seem offputting. But there's no doubt in anyones mind that she wants to win the competition... and those little tantrums at least show that. They show more dedication than sweet Nellie's "Ummm... idk LOL" answers, (It killed me to write that, because the Nellie train had plush seats and a snack bar. D:) Unforutunetely though, I don't think she can win the competition, just based off of her edit. The editors are going to want the audience to LIKE whoever wins, and most people seem to cant stand Lily. It's kind of like what they did with Alex and Lindsay last season. If you're doubtful that the audience is going to like the winner(s), then make the runner-ups so unlikeable that the audience is happy by default! So my prediction is that Lily is getting third place. :(
    And on Abraham... he's adorable. I don't know what SPECIFIC character he could be on Glee, but he's one of the few contestants who could play a wide variety of characters. It seems like every week he either brings it or bombs it, and I really hope that he can bring it next week.

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  2. I agree w/ Bryce-- the edit of Lily is basically screaming *DOOM*
    However, I always waver on where I stand with Lily. When she's anywhere but in an LCP, she seems to work well and she's got more than enough stand out moments to make me love her as a badass. But her LCP's make me feel she is in no way professional enough to be part of the business. You don't swear at an audition unless it's in the lines-- it just makes you look like a tantram-throwing brat. And you've got to stop blaming everyone else (except this time-- b/c everyone was confusing as hell about what they wanted), b/c honey? These are what you get, and if you make it sound like you can't work with them, ~you're~ going to be the one that goes.
    I love Abraham, but what the hell was with his LCP? Going "super fabulous" to get Ryan to like him actually made me yell at the TV-- it was that off-putting. Stop not being you Abraham!

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