Monday, May 21, 2012

Edge of Glory Rankings

Finally, something concrete to unfairly sort them with!

So, as you'll see, my rankings tend to be INSANELY fluid, and I fully anticipate and appreciate some dissension--after all, I'm a viewer, just like you.

Except better, obvi.

14) Aylin

I didn't really think Aylin was bad, actually, but if there's one thing that it was, that would be 'forgettable.'  I still assume that she's going to be one of the stronger players in this game, but this isn't going to be the performance that defines her Glee Project experience.

13) Tyler

Tyler, on the other hand, definitely disappointed me. Like I've said, I'm generally counting this video as a fluke on the part of the mixing staff, but Tyler really didn't give them much to work with, either.  His acting looked nervous and forced, and I hardly could hear enough of his singing to judge him on.  I still think he's the one to beat, but this video did nothing to corroborate that.

 12) Charlie

Solid performance, as noted, but I can't seem to work up much enthusiasm over him just yet.

11) Michael

The sun must have been absolutely blinding where they shot Tyler and Michael, because neither of them could seem to open their eyes.  Michael, as noted, really wasn't meant to sing this kind of song, but that doesn't really make up for the fact that he sung it like that.  Kind of disappointing, but at least he had energy.

10) Lily Mae

Another fall from grace.  Lily Mae, like a lot of the contenders thus far, needs to seriously bump it up in the distinguishable personality department.  Thus far, I feel like we have fourteen McKynleigh's on our hands.*

*McKynleigh, girl, you know I love you.

9) Maxfield

This is more in line with what I'm talking about.  Was he good in the video? Not at all. But did I remember him? You bet your ass I did. That creepy, easy-going Southerner schtick may have been kind of awkward to watch, but at least it, and his voice, gave you a sense of who he is.
8) Blake

Excuse me while I swoon for a minute.  Blake did a whole lot better than I was expecting him to, but if we're being honest, doesn't this guy kind of defeat the purpose of Glee? That whole 'rooting for the underdog' thing?

7) Ali

 Still not my kind of singer, but I am seriously impressed with this girl's acting capabilities, especially given that the two guys who won last season...well, they lack in that department.

6) Arnauz

I initially had Arnauz here up a little higher, but after further review, decided he might have been coasting a little bit here--I want to hear that voice pull out all it's stops, before I hand him another top five position.

5) Dani

It's not going to be easy for these other performers to top Dani's polish--girl has her character down cold.  The only issue is--and I call this 'Cameron Syndrome'--she definitely seems more like an established performer than a Glee cast member.

4) Abraham

Abraham seemed disappointed at my initial review of his performance, to which I say: GIRL.  He was definitely one of the best in the video, giving an almost sublime performance, but he happened to get paired with Nellie, who completely blew my expectations out of the water, and then gave subdued performance.  Well, bitch, you're top four on my list--happy now?

3) Taryn

Speaking of blowing my expectations out of the water: WOW.  Taryn was definitely in high contention for the number one spot on my list this week, and I have very few doubts that she'll end up landing it at some point during this competition.  I don't even have a but.  Flawless performance, slightly upstaged by two others.

2) Shanna


Well, almost perfect...

1) Nellie

Nellie KILLED this one.  Like, in the first degree.  I can't even begin to explain just how amazing her performance was.  I can barely remember anyone else singing, her voice was so powerful.  Let's hope she keeps up that cool girl disposition, and really knocks the first couple of challenges out of the park the way she did this one, because I for one, would love to listen to her all summer long.

Isn't it funny that all of my top three girls were carrying rolly-suitcases?  Look into luggage with wheels, contenders; apparently that's my weak spot.


Just in case you guys forgot about my abilities:

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Giggly Girls

So, show of hands: who remembers who I have left to review?

Count me disappointed--this girl seems sweet as sugar.  I was expecting some slutty, rebellious bitchitude. Instead? Like watching the Wiggles without the edge. Seriously, even Tinky Winky had a little bit of RuPaul 'tude going on.

Girl, best put on your bitch pants--lord knows I'll be slipping into mine soon.

However, please never learn how to dance; this was too awesome for words.

Lily Mae, Lily Mae, LILY MAEEEEEE.  Girl, you are also SUCH a sweetheart, which is totally fine, and you look totally adorable, to put this.

Make like Snow Patrol and OPEN YOUR EYES.

Listen, I need another one of my hometown divas to score a top 4 spot, so start bringing that leading lady heat that I know you're packing.  You've got all the raw material--now just learn how to make it pop.

Friday, May 18, 2012

The Boys, Briefly

I mean...he was fine, if a little un-noteworthy.  It's probably not really a fair place for me to make any real criticism when all I can do looking at these screen shots in wonder how Blake gets his hair to stay that way.

But yeah, if Finn were supposed to be a woman, here you'd have him.

Note to all Glee Cast contenders--if the costumers tell you to put on sunglasses at any point during the season, they HATE you.

Seriously, how awkward was this?  I assume they were going for some kind of suave country boy schtick, but all I got was 'stylish homeless person'.

He sings well enough though.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Pretty People

 My apologies to what's his name is, because this entry is basically just going to revolve around me objectifying him in various ways, but...


You guys, he has a shirt on, which means I literally have zero material with which to discuss him.  Costumers, do your audience a favor and FIX THIS.

(He's otherwise okay--definitely from the School of Smoldering Looks, where he was probably valedictorian, headed up the Bieber Hair Enthusiasts Club, and was president of Future Abercrombie Models of the World.)

(Also, ex-boyfriend, if you're reading: concerning our conversation last night--THIS.)

So...this was melodramatic.  I love the hodge-podge  of randomness outside.  Really, you guys can stop traffic for Arnauz, but you can't chuck the traffic cone for pretty little Ali here?

I'm fully prepared to love this girl for the amount of professionalism and polish she's going to be serving up in the acting department all season, but I honestly just don't like her voice.  It's grown on me--having watched the video more times than any psychologist would deem healthy, or even sane--but while I was right about her Cheno-influences, it's just not the kind of thing I, personally, respond to.

This, however, is.  Keep on killing it, wheels. 

Also, Dani is right--your twitter name has WAY too many capital letters.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Ones To Watch

You guys, I have a confession to make:

I generally hate being so completely, absurdly, ridiculous wrong about my initial impression of a contender, but in this case, Shanna was just so freaking good that I found myself completely not caring.  Plus, adorable, no?

"Seeya, bitches."

I still hold on to hope, however, that she will recognize just how near the top of the pack she really is, and develop some kind of malicious personality disorder, refusing to make eye contact with anyone she deems 'un-talented' or, like me, 'un-attractive'.

Oh wait, unattractive is a word.

I will advise her, however, to back the fuck off my man.  Take a tip from Tyler, and act like you're terrified to even be in the vicinity with one of my potential future lovers.

Thank GOD the producers didn't learn what subtlety was after last season.  I was legitimately concerned that I wouldn't have anything to make fun of them for.

Oh who am I kidding--I'm surprised they didn't dress Arnauz like a homeless man, with a misspelled bible verse around his neck.  This is downright tactful.

As for his performance, it was pretty freaking stellar.  The voice that kid is carrying was clearly unrepresented by the song (although, you could basically say that about EVERYONE) but I find myself truly stoked to hear what his 'homework assignments' will sound like.

Other than that, I do have one issue: Arnauz oddly enough doesn't come across very charismatically on camera.  I'm going to chalk that one up to the fact that they basically put him in a crosswalk to shoot him.  Hey, if the producers were parading me around in LA traffic, my primary concern wouldn't exactly be how to Gaga myself up, either.

Yeah, I'm kind of surprised Charlie's there, too.

You know what's really weird?  She even kinda SOUNDS like Bieber.  Although, seeing as he sounds like a prepubescent girl, I guess I shouldn't really be totally surprised by that.

Here's the thing with Dani: she is quite clearly tops in talent, charisma, and presence, but she is so completely and utterly not a contender to win this thing.  In fact, I almost feel like NBC lent her to the Glee Project, after she lost America's Got Talent, just to give the premiere ratings an extra little boost.

But stuff like that doesn't happen in television...

But yeah, Dani's cute, Dani's fun, etc.  She just...doesn't actually feel like a competitor on the show--she seems more like a guest star.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

A Modern Day Romeo and Juliet

Because, you know, he's gay and she works at Starbucks--so meant for each other, but they can never truly be together.

So it looks like she's stuck being his fruit fly, complimenting whatever flavor of Kool Aid he decides to dip dye his hair in.

I'm personally hoping he changes his hair color every week, so that it fit's each week's theme.  Also because I watched WAY too much Buffy the vampire slayer as a child.  (Fifty points to whoever can identify that reference.)

So you guys want to know how I felt about his performance, right?

Kind of like this.

...okay, okay.  I joke.  Honestly, there was nothing wrong with it--standardly good.  I was so confused at his seeming lack of ability to move his mouth.  It put really, really bizarre thoughts into my head.  Thoughts I don't wish to share here, because I know people under the age of sexual maturity read this blog.

But I can of course insinuate the crap out of them.


You guys, not to go all shepard boy on you guys, but DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?!  What was that BREATHTAKING voice.  Like Grace Potter decided to stop smoking so freaking much.  Like a butch Kelly Clarkson.  (Well, a more butch Kelly Clarkson.)  What WAS that amazingness?  Furthermore, how can I get some more of it?

Oh, and her acting was great too.  So excited to hear this girl sing some more.

AND she's adorable?  Honey, the next double whip mocha with foam is on me.