Friday, April 6, 2012

Meet the Meat: Glee Project 2, Part 4

More of them? Seriously?

Abraham, 24
San Diego, CA
Abraham, a true newbie to the performance world, indefinitely postponed his admission into law school to pursue his dreams of taking on the entertainment industry by storm. Oftentimes, he finds himself relating better to women and believes that it is due to the absence of a father-figure in his life. When not performing, Abraham works as a legal aid and a bartender in San Diego. Although he has only been performing for a year, his most rewarding performance was on the streets of San Diego when he played for homeless people. With lots of hard work, determination, and a bit of sass, Abraham was discovered for “The Glee Project” through an online video submission.

OY.  Where do I start with this one?  First of all, if the most defining moment of the entertainment career has been performing for homeless people on the street, it may be time to pack back up for law school before you become homeless yourself.  Also, at twenty four years old, you should probably stop dyeing your hair with kool-aid, and learn what a karaoke bar is.

Oh who am I kidding--this kid is a freaking GOLD MINE of material for me--anyone who lists 'sass' as one of their strongests assets has to be easy to break, right?


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I honestly can't decide whether I am in love or about to projectile vomit.  Aba Fierce definitely leans towards love, but... then there is the rest of it.  He takes himself SO seriously that I have to believe that part of it is an act.  And honey, I would LOVE to hear you sing 'Someone Like You'.  Please make this happen.

Aylin, 19
Chicago, IL
Aylin has been an active singer for the past 10 years. She started the first female a cappella group at Loyola Academy, and is now currently a student at Roosevelt University majoring in vocal jazz performance at their music conservatory. Aylin comes from a very traditional Turkish family and, being Muslim, she has had trouble balancing who she is with who her family expects her to be. She constantly pushes those cultural boundaries in her life and music. Aylin originally auditioned for “The Glee Project” at the Chicago open casting call.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you your bitch for the season!  I could smell from the group sho, but it's the bio that really locked it in for me.  Anyone who describes themselves as an 'active singer' and founds an a capella group at a major University is also going to be a major pain in the ass.

But the thing is, girl is probably also seriously talented--just like my favorite bitch, Lindsay Pearce.  Ryan will probably string her along the same way, before dumping her for some more unassuming, middle-of-the-road contender.


Don't be fooled by the nervous exterior--once this girl has to play with the other kids, someone is catching a stiletto to the jugular.

Also, I love that's she's such a brazen hussy, even though her mother is positive that she's never kissed a boy before--get it girl!  Shove that fo' sho' ho' in mama's face!

Michael, 18
Chicago, IL
Although he is the youngest of all “The Glee Project” season two contenders, Michael does not lack in experience. He has been performing for over eight years and is already a member of a professional blues band. Michael was a Paul Green School of Rock Chicago All Star, has performed at the House of Blues in Chicago and has already traveled half way around the world to perform in Tokyo. Aside from his love of music, he has a passion for calculus and thinks it is a fantastic subject of study and thoroughly enjoys spending time in the kitchen. Michael was discovered through industry channels to audition for “The Glee Project.”


Well hey there.  Ignoring the fact that they aren't even trying to hide the fact that this kid is essentially a dead ringer to replace Darren Criss, I need to address a very important matter: is this kid gay or what?  I cannot decide to save my life.  At first I was like 'totally,' then I was like 'maybs,' then I saw the thing about spending time in the kitchen and I was like 'POWER BOTTOM."

But then...


WHY IS YOUR SEXUALITY MORE ELUSIVE TO ME THAN HIGH NOTES ARE TO TAYLOR SWIFT?

2 comments:

  1. Why do anybody think that Michael is gay?
    He's like to sexy for been gay

    ReplyDelete