Friday, August 19, 2011

Luck of the Irish

Anyone else surprised I hadn't used that cliche yet?

Oh Shamrock McSexypants, what am I ever going to do with you and your ubiquitous green hoodie?

"I have this fire in my belly."

Yeah, welcome to how the rest of us feel all the time.  About you.  Come on, you guys, don't make me be mean here--Damian was so cute this episode!

Jesus, I am more redundant than a broken Eiffel 65 record.  Five points to anyone who catches that reference.

I'm sorry to say this, you guys, but my Damian love kind of went stale this episode.  It's one thing when he's floundering around in the fourth episode in, but when everyone else has made such amazing progress, and he still can't commit to a hand gesture in the homework assignment, there's a definite issue.

The other thing about Damian--he's definitely a good singer, but unfortunately he: A, is holding himself back, and B, doesn't have truly unique and definable vocal tendencies like the rest of this group.  Without question, Alex has the most striking voice of the group, Lindsay is the most technically capable, and Samuel has that raspy, smoldering thing going on.  Damian's vocal abilities are really rather weak unless he's singing standards.

Oh, in case you haven't noticed, I thought his performance here was crap.  It's was like watching a drunk guy in a karaoke bar.

"If I get drums, it's going to be a shambles."

Okay, I can't stay mad at you if you're going to talk all cute and Irish-y like that.  Stop it. I need to be mean to you for being stupid enough to talk about how you would totally suck at playing drums to the producers.  Like, have none of these guys gotten how this works yet?  What, the rate of coincidence goes up 450% on a reality show?  Is this really that hard?!

"They know this has the potential to be an absolute train crash."

You've finally figured it out! Don't look at me like that! You dug your OWN shallow grave, Cutie Pie O'dorable!  Fucking up all sorts of American sayings with synonyms.


Anyways, as expected, Damian took zero initiative and just sort of bounced around on his seat, occasionally tapping the big drum.  Although Alex and Lindsay just kind of swayed back and forth, and I forgot Samuel was even there, so...good job standing out?


"Oh, a punch and everything!"

Dear editors, if we see said punch, you probably don't have to subtitle it.

On another note, while it was pretty clear that everyone (save Alex, whose girl watched her cat get run over by a truck that morning, apprently) got their mini-me, did anyone else find it funny that this one had about the most Irish name ever?  Nikki should have just introduced him as 'young Irish boy', Lily as 'mini-diva', and Alexander as 'dreads in the making', and saved the producers some subtlety.  I know how they hate it.

Oh forget it.  How can I stay mad at a face like that?  Or a series of quotes and screenshots like these?

 "You play drums!?  ...Good stuff."
 "Honestly, I'm just blown away by this little guy."
"Oh I love you Liam--God sent you from heaven to help me!"


Why yes, I have been drinking.

So Damian finally impresses Nikki.  How?  I'm not entirely sure.  He seemed to just talk into the microphone.  Maybe Nikki was thinking that he was whispering sweet nothings in her ear because OMG SO FRIGGIN CUTE PART TWOOOOOOOO.

Okay, okay, no, I'm not that tipsy.  Damian, it seems, has a bit of a lower standard bar than the rest of them.  To be fair, the last few challenges--since the MC Hammer episode, actually--his recording vocals have been pretty solid, with his part of 'Under Pressure' probably being the highlight, in my opinion.

Huh, I think I just convinced myself that Damian IS doing pretty well.  This performance just fell a little flat for me.  It didn't help that the song sucks.  Like possibly the most contrived, meaningless, hollow song ever written in ever.  It's probably worse and more cliched than all of the 'Glee' original songs combined.

Transitions--who need them?

Gotta love the subtle 'what's Liam doing' right there.  Mama didn't raise no fool. I think the mentors were...I mean, they were drunk, right?  First they shit on Lindsay for doing EXACTLY what they told her to do, and then they shit on Damian for:

Over acting something when he was singing? Scrunching his face up too much?  To take a note from Zach "This is GLEE."  The two above shots were from fairly sedate points of two pop songs.  Damian was signing the chorus of a screamo song.  You guys do the math--I've had way too much wine at this point to find the calculator on my phone.  But I'll give you a hint: flip the answer upside down and it'll read 'bullshit.'

Okay...maybe he squinted a little too much.  But honestly, he's the drummer--the kid he was with who is ACTUALLY a drummer was squinting the the whole time.  Something tells me it was less an acting thing and more an unconscious physical reaction to hitting the drum set.  Plus, out of everyone, Damian had probably the best energy.  Lindsay still did better overall, but Damian's exuberance made up for the sleepy performances from Sam and Alex.

Blah blah blah, everybody has to do a last chance performance, big surprise, the co-creator is going to sit in, blah blah blah.  Where were we?  Oh yes!

"Ian, meet Damian."
"Don't mind if I do."

Ian and Ryan hitting on Damian!  What a new, compelling, completely unnoticeable development!

Positive things I can say about Damian's performance: he sang it MUCH better than Finn did in that 'things I hate about myself' episode.  And his awkwardness was kind of cute, and fit in with the song.

Negative things I can say about Damian's performance: those are the only positive things I can say about Damian's performance.

Seriously, the only thing different about Damian in this last chance performance compared to his first last chance performance is that he was less stagnant, more fluid, more confident, he sang it better.  You know what isn't there?  Polish.  Damian has needed that more than anything as long as this competition has last, and he still hasn't managed it, which is concerning.  Then again, Cory Monteith was cast as the male lead on this show, so comparatively he's Fred Astaire.

Do I think Damian deserved to go home this episode?  No.  Do I think he deserved to stay?  Not particularly.  What I do think is that, yes, someone did deserve to go home.  I'm not sure who, but as a great writer once said, when Asshat McClichemonster made the decision to keep everyone in the game, he also made this episode 'not worth our time.'


  1. Can I just say thank you for validating my belief that "SING" is a terrible song? Just complete crap. Did they really expect anyone to be able to shine vocally on this song? Also, thank you for pointing out how ridiculous it is that they consistently bash these kids for stuff their cast does every week.

    I still love Damian and he is probably my favorite to win it, but I think you're right about his weaknesses. Still, on the other hand, him being awkward as a performer could actually play into his character. You know, being a young freshman just learning to sing in front of people. At the end of the day, no matter what Ryan and Ian say about wanting someone to write to, what all TV people want is someone who people will tune in to watch. More than any of the other contenders, Damian is that guy. Also, Ian's little comment about Damian's interactions with Brittany definitely was the most fun character idea for any of the contenders. They are right, Damian's part would write itself.

  2. It's funny, because as bad as they make Damian seem, he was at the top of the list in the call backs :) I still adore him, but it wasn't his best week. <3

  3. Did anyone else think Damian's vocals in the group number were really good? As in rivaling Lindsay good? If you listen to just the first part of the song where they all sing solos, Damian's is easily better than Sam's and Alex's. If Damian sang the whole song like that, I can see why Nikki was so impressed.

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  5. give it up bitches..these obsession with damian is crazy is soo obvious that damian has the least dynamic vocals here...he can't even pull a high note and be draggy on his one conclusion..he is not a god okay...period...

  6. maybe this will remind you of your love for Damian.

    Anyway, Damian also has a harder vocal range, considering they don't exactly give bass/baritone songs. I hate when people say he is a bad singer and haven't seen songs in his vocal range by watching Celtic Thunder videos (Me)