Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Defying General Reality TV Patterns

Since no one was sent home this week (bummer) I'm gonna start with Lindsay, since she won the homework assignment.

Also, because girl OWNED this episode.  Just look at the look at her: Miranda Priestly herself would break into a cold sweat at how freaking fierce Lindsay is serving it in those heels.  And she isn't even moving.  I'm pretty sure she was diverting her eyes so that her direct eye contact wouldn't paralyze anyone.

Beautiful.  Vicious.  Dangerous.  I think it finally clicked in Lindsay this week that she could win this thing, that she wanted to win this thing.  She wanted to sing Asshat's face off after he bitched her out for being confident last week, and force him to acknowledge her superiority, drive, and overall fierceness.

But then she totally lost her shit over Artie and forgot about her plans of vengeance.

"I kind of...lied...on my audition."

Although, I can't exactly blame her.  Swoon City, population: Lindsay and me, and everyone currently viewing this screenshot.  He was absolutely adorable, as was Lindsay's barely masked save at calling him 'Kevin' instead of 'Artie'.  She was probably temporarily disabled by the hotness dominating her line of vision; Damian who?


As for Lindsay's homework...I mean...what competition?  At first glance, Alex gave her a bit of a fight, but then Kevin pointed out that he basically looked bored as all hell during everyone else performances, which turned out to be completely true.  Otherwise, Lindsay took absolutely no prisoners--easily the most connected to the 'audience' and the only vocal that made any sense or was any good. The best part: girl knew it.

 On Samuel: "Yeah, just try to squint through this one, Marley-lite."
 On Damian: "That magic comb is MINE, leprechaun."
On Alex: "Shit. Why do I always forget about you?"

In the end Lindsay earns her first, completely deserved win, and gets a comb.  Which--to the horror of all gays, hairstylists, germaphobes, and anyone who has ever had lice--she immediately runs through her gorgeous hair.  Ah well, she was in the moment, what can you do.

"For once I didn't try to be perfect, and it was!"

SUBTLE.  Oh producers, please never get good at your jobs--it's way too entertaining this way.  Although I do have to give you credit for yet again capturing Lindsay in several moments of sheer adorable-ness.

"Did you laugh? Coz I laughed."

Oh yeah, babe, EVERYONE laughed at that.  I mean this sequence was mostly there to give Zach some screen time--I'd like to do a count of just how many big dance numbers they do in Glee.  From the looks of this, he's just there to... you know, why is Zach on this show?  Did he even give them any advice here?  They could have saved a ton of money if they'd just let Brooke deal with them.

"So nice to meet you!"
"I was Wendy in Peter Pan too!"

Remember when Lindsay was a barely-concealed bitch all the time?  Good times.

Nah, this was too sweet and precious to ignore.  I suspected Lindsay would be the perfect sort of big sister character, given that she's from a family of entirely older brothers.  That's all my little sister ever had, and she is fantastic with kids.  It's just one of those things.

Also, major kudos to Lindsay for singing this part so bizarrely that Nikki became so discombobulated that she stopped trying to remember how to work her recording studio, stuck a pencil in her mouth, and waited out the storm.  She ended up getting a good take in the end, but it was hysterical trying to get there.

Kevin was a pretty good mentor--it seemed like he was trying to get her to loosen up and stop being 'perfect', as opposed to just trying to show her how to look good playing a guitar.  Most likely because Lindsay a, would look more natural if she stopped thinking about how faking it would look best, and b, because there is a ninety-five percent chance that she will never have to play an instrument on Glee, even if she is chosen.  No word on why Lindsay is dressed like Avril Lavigne.

Although Kevin definitely seemed to dig it--boy could barely form a complete sentence around Lindsay.


You guys, seriously, my face is about to melt off.  Everything was just so cutesy this episode.  I get it, I get it: the children are our future, give music a chance, school's out for summer, but seriously--could one of them at least have thrown a shoe at Nikki?

Or really, anyone in this group--what the fuck was up with them and Lindsay this week?  Did it not occur to any of them that not only was this not exactly Lindsay's genre, but it had been camouflaged to look like it was some sort of loose, cutesy project, and that they all jumped all the fuck over her every first mistake?  Because guys?

Lindsay was utterly unparalleled in this video.  It was almost as if it was Lindsay's video, and the rest of them sort of showed up to the extra call.  She was just so raw, so real, so freaking present.  It was like watching an entirely different person altogether from the controlled--albeit still highly impressive--collected actress that we've become used to.

Plus, she and her mini-me totally had the money shot for this video.  So cute.  She really got that this challenge was much more about feeling it, and showing just how dynamic she was, and much energy she could bring to the table.  Unfortunately for her, it wouldn't have been fair to just send her through to the finals without making her prove herself in the only place she had struggled in the previous week--it was a given that they each would have to do a last chance performance, especially Lindsay, regardless of how well any of them did in the episode.

Still, when they listed all of the songs, I felt that they were telling Lindsay that she was safe--you could tell she was nervous at the proposition, but if someone is confident enough in your abilities to give you "Defying Gravity", that's a pretty huge compliment.

Her little 'they want me to be a bitch, fine, I'll be a bitch' speech to Nikki was pretty funny, but Nikki seemed to understand exactly where she was coming from and didn't seem nervous about how she would handle it.  I can only imagine the uphill battle Lindsay must have thought she was fighting at this point--hell, even I'm nervous for her.

And after the first couple of lines of this, I was even more nervous--that was some shaky singing.  It got pretty good towards the middle, but Lindsay's voice just sounded a little exhausted, compared to her capability from earlier in the season.  Still, it never quit on her, and she still managed to land some pretty impressive notes, especially the on at the end--just lovely.

Ryan's comments on her I thought were kind of demeaning, unfair, and completely unnecessary--he wanted to cut her, but felt obliged to keep her because they need 'that girl'?  Come on, asshat.  You praise Effie White on ludes, but all Lindsay here gets is a 'we need a girl like her'?  After EVERYTHING she's been able to do this season? After only belting out the bridges of your crappy video songs every week?  Give me a break.

As for Lindsay's know, I don't know.  She's grown a lot in the past three episodes, and that she's clearly the most impressive of the four, but I don't think that they're really looking for a girl.  If that's true, it's a shame--supposedly whoever is going to win this is going to be going toe-to-toe with Sue Sylvester as her arch-enemy, and I would pay to see Lindsay fill that role.  Right now, all I can say is that Lindsay has my vote, whatever it's worth to her.


  1. I love all of your reviews :) Keep them coming!
    I have to say, Lindsay did very well this week. However, I didn't care for her last chance performance at all. I think this was Ryan trying to see if she could be the next Lea Michelle, and I don't think that Lindsay's that girl. He thinks that he needs another Rachel Berry, but Lindsay is her own person and character. Ryan Murphy should look at who she is instead of who he wants her to be. Overall, while she did good, she's not my favorite. Like Ryan said, for some reason, people don't root for her as much as they do the others.... I don't know

  2. So, Ian Brennan was brought to help decide which three should advance to the finals ... and then he didn't have to do anything since all four passed?

    Good use of his skills.