Friday, July 8, 2011

O Those Sexy, Soulful Boys


I smell a new boy band on the horizon.  Their first single can be "Glasses and Accents."

"In Texas, people don't dress like this [...] high school was really rough."

Or you know, "Massive Asshole."  Oh Cameron, I'm so sure that wearing Ben Sherman made you SUCH an outcast.  Why don't you ask Alex, or Marissa, or even Lindsay what high school was like.  It might put your experience into perspective a little.

I don't mean to belittle what I'm sure was an unpleasant four years for Cameron here, but despite the fact that he seemed cognizant of how ridiculous what he was saying was, especially compared to several other issues that other people put forth, he still didn't manage to verbalize himself well.


Besides, I think 'misunderstood' was a bit of a cop out.  He should have gone the extra mile like Marissa and chosen 'pretentious' or 'jerk' or 'above it'.  Or 'fully aware of the fact that this episode is a load of shit'.

He could have even chosen 'awkward' based on his bizarre homework performance. What was that?  I can't even come up with something funny to say about it because it was just so freaking weird.

"I feel like I'm already starting at the bottom." 
"I think it might be to Cameron's disadvantage that he's normal."

It was fun to see this sequence with both Cameron talking about himself and the mentors talking about him, basically saying "Cameron is not fucked up enough for Glee."  I had a good laugh at how the mentors thought they were coming up with some great epiphany with their '27 names for tears' game, while Cameron's in his confession booth being all like, "yeah, I'm no bitch."

My old English teach from high school would murderize me if she ever saw that paragraph...or if she ever saw me use the 'word' 'murderize'.


He looked pretty good in the video, even though his edits were freaking hysterical.  I mean, what says 'misunderstood' better than high tops, the Hard Rock Cafe, and walking away from the camera with a hand on your head?  

And then, as we all know, Cameron ended up in the bottom, and decided to sing like he was portraying a drunken English librarian.


A librarian who, apparently, has a bit a narcissism issue.   And because he sucked SO bad, they let him perform again.


And he sang it THE EXACT SAME WAY.  Listen, there was no way in hell Cameron was going home, and it seemed like Cameron knew that.  But come ON kid, can't you at least fake some kind of emotional breakthrough.

If the Glee Project were a consistent and fair world, Cameron would have been cut this week for not being able to convey vulnerability in a palpable manner.  However, if you've ever watched a reality show, you would know that someone like Cameron would have to set a puppy on fire and then eat it, burning alive and howling in agony to get kicked off this early.

Now for a more serious matter:


Someone at Glee Project headquarters is getting castrated for making my precious Irish baby cry.  Don't worry, Damian, I'll protect you.  Now come over here and... we'll talk about your, er, performance in this episode.


OMG LOOK AT THAT POUT I AM DYING HE IS SO CUTE PLEASE JESUS BE GAY.

Eh hem.

Um, yeah.  I'm fairly certain that Damian only gets put in the bottom so Ryan has the opportunity to hit on him, because Irish Spring kicked did pretty well in this episode.


First off, Damian was another one I thought could have won the homework challenge with relative ease.  Very honest emotion.  But a little too acted, perhaps, but he sang it beautifully.

"I'm worried I'm never gonna be able to love somebody for the amount of time needed."

What a heartbreaking statement.  I actually felt my stomach sink for a second after he said this.  I mean, what a scary thought, that the worth of your love is measured by how long you love for.  Yet another instance of the 'wtf?' I felt upon learning my little snook'ums was is the bottom.  I mean, how hard is it to admit that about yourself?

  

As for the video, I personally think he did really well--that look he's giving on the bottom certainly looks vulnerable and numb in an interesting way.  But then again, I don't know if it would have looked so much like that if the director hadn't decided to frame it that way.  The higher shot definitely was a little...cheesy.


AND THEN THEY WENT AND KICKED THIS POOR LITTLE PUPPY WHEN HE WAS DOWN.  WHO DOES THAT?  LOOK AT HIM.

Dignity: who needs it?


But Zach was right--good thing they did put him in the bottom, because it showed them that he COULD deliver.  This was the bet last chance performance yet, and his singing shows marked improvement.  You could tell at least one person was definitely impressed:

"You were very moving."

Oh keep it in your pants.

And take off the puffer jacket--you're in LA for Christssake.

And don't pretend like you got jacket and pants confused.  I know what you're thinking, Asshat.

4 comments:

  1. You are hilarious! That is how I see every episode, at least I am not alone!

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  2. Haha! Oh my gracious! I love your take on the episode. And I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks that's a reason Damian keeps ending up in he bottom three.
    English teachers be damned! You had me laughing and nodding in agreement the whole post through. Keep up the fun writing!

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  3. haha another comment from me but you are right on the head with this!

    Cameron i think acts like he is the nerd, but I feel like he was definitely the cool kid that everyone wanted but he was just too cool and NORMAL. he plays this weird awkward part but he definitely is not that. TRUST me there are definitely super awkward people...like Jesse Eisenberg or Michael Cera. However, the thing that people in Texas don't dress like that is BS there are at least a lot of people dressing up like this hipster/indie dude...like GIVE ME A BREAK

    still love him.

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  4. WELL I HOPE HE IS NOT GAY BECASUE WE WILL GET MARRIED

    Damian is mine, you can have Zach.

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