FUCK YOU SO HARD ASSHAT MCRYANDOUCHE.
UGH, you guys, I'm not going to bullshit you: I don't even want to do this blog this week. Why? Because this episode was almost twice as bullshitty as the last. I mean, it's just getting ridiculous with the eliminations at this point.
I actually had to go back through this entry again and rewrite it. It was unintelligible with rage.
But before we get to this, time for some unintentional hilarity:
"So you guys obviously recognize Max Adler from Glee."
"Totally. Of course."
"When is Lea Michele gonna judge?"
"I'm sorry: who?"
Nice try, producers. Next time, get a real character. Like Rachel. Or at least someone immediately discernible.
Anyways, back to Marissa, who has been prematurely ripped from our loving gaze, after completely dominating in both last week's video and these past two homework assignments.
To be fair, I didn't get her win in this one as much as in the last one until the second time I watched it--Marissa was the first one to really interact with the set, the only one who really tried to change it up, not be cliche, try a little tongue-in-cheek action with her adorable faux machine gun. The rest of them either ripped her off, or did what they always have done:
-Alex did an Aretha Franklin impersonation
-Lindsay belted and looked fierce
-Damian made my heart melt a little, but otherwise just kind looked confused and tried to sound American
She seemed really surprised that she'd won it, though. Possibly just because she was the first one to do it twice in a row, and didn't want to look like a bitch. Oh Marissa, your eyes give away how you really feel yet again.
"I'll be honest that this part I didn't practice as much."
This probably was not such a hot idea, seeing as it was the ammunition the Ryan et all seemingly nailed her with in the end. Although I'm not one hundred percent sure how 'didn't practice as much' turned into 'didn't practice your lines' when they told her she was in the bottom three.
"Getting slushied feels like a brain freeze and eye stinging and...general discomfort."
Couple that with the least advantageous winners prize ever, and you could definitely that Marissa was headed on a slippery slope downward. Knowing what was coming before she actually got there pumped up her adrenaline more defensively than the other contenders, who took it as somewhat of a boost.
"I get slushied by Max again and this time he has really good aim."
However, I thought she took it with just the right amount of humor.
As for the video itself, it was horrible. The mash up was completely unnecessary, the premise was lazy and superficial, the choreography was terrible and didn't even get used, and the only thing that happened was people getting freezing, brightly colored goo in their faces. This is the first time I'd watched the episode with a friend, and when it was over, he turned to me and we said at pretty much the same time "Well that was awful."
But you all want to know how I thought about Marissa's performance. Honestly, they were completely right in thinking that she seemed more exhausted, but consider this: FUCKING DUH. I mean, come on. Girl got slushied in three separate scenes, comprised about half the video and vocal track, seemingly never chickened out of getting that crap hurled in her face, probably went through at least a dozen hair and makeup sessions, and then on top of that, had to do the group choreography as well. Of course she was tired! The fact that all they could come up with was 'she seemed less electric' was a bullshit excuse to put her in the bottom. Especially since, from my perspective, she was solidly in the middle in terms of the video.
Oh, and she looked pretty hot throughout the whole thing. (See above.)
"This is the first time I feel like I fully fit in somewhere."
I think somewhere along the line, she realized that there was no way she was staying. She just seems much too smart for that. I mean, they gave Alex the perfect drag queen song, and they let Cameron sing one of his own original songs, but Marissa has to sing 'Hate On Me'? I mean, it's a great song, but it's no where near as intrinsically impressive as the other two songs.
"I am the elusive Marissa von Bleicken."
But HOT DAYUM if she didn't give the performance of the night. It really says something when you serve more sass than Effie White. It was all my friend (also gay) and I could do to not give her a "GIRL!" and a double snap head roll. That's when you KNOW you are doing something fierce. And her 'fuck you' lyrics to Ryan may have made me want to jump the fence for a second there: that, like much of what Marissa does, was hot.
Also, if I may add, Marissa gives excellent bitch face. See above...
And below. How she didn't melt Ryan with those eyes is beyond me. It's two days later, I am in air conditioning, and that is a screen cap and I am still feeling a little warm.
The only thing that Ryan got right last night was that Marissa was meant to perform. I mean, the girl is like a less plastic Xtina with runs she's got in her. If her voice got a little more controlled, who knows what this girl could do?
All I know is that I want her album, so get on it girl.