Wednesday, June 15, 2011

HACKED OFF AT THE KNEE

Ah, youth.  Such a fickle, innocent time of...


HOLY CHRIST IN A BOX.  

Ms. Most Likely To Banish You To A Field Of Endless Corn.  Girl, you weren't kidding when you said (in the creepiest voice ever I might add) that you would look ten years old forever.  I'm actually highly suspicious of some kind of Benjamin Button thing going on here, because first of all, this girl sounds and behaves like an aging Broadway actress (seriously, can't you see her and LuPone sharing a drag, talking about them young bitches?)  And second of all:



That outfit, if it was ever stylish, has not been in my conscious lifetime.  This is what I imagine an underage prostitute would wear to a high school prom.  In 1987.  AND THEN SHE SANG BIG SPENDER.  Clearly she was, you know, trying to look the part (at least, the 80s revival version) but she should have realized that they weren't looking for a hooker...you know what, fuck it.  This whole sequence was so completely obvious and unnecessary.  Get down with your whore self, girl--they gave the prize this week to some kid who stripped and body-rolled, for Christsake.  No, this girl can do whatever the fucking fuck she fucking wants. You know why?




Because the girl freaking ROCKS.  She's adorable, she's an amazing, animated singer and she, I would argue, actually may be the best actor in the competition.  And plus, she comes with her own script! You can immediately tell what kind of character she would play, and she's instantly endearing to a large group of glee fans because she's cute AND sarcastic--this girl could totally kick your ass for your lunch money, AND get away with it.  Plus, if that's her voice with a cold, I can't even begin to imagine it going at full throttle.

So no, this girl did not, under any circumstances deserve to be anywhere CLOSE to the bottom six, let alone having to lip-synch for her life or whatever.

"How am I supposed to put my best foot forward when it's hacked off at the knee?"

"Hear that, Asshat McBeanie? HACKED OFF AT THE KNEE."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is definitely not an angry ten year old Ryan Murphy wanted to meet in an alley later that evening.  Wise move, Asshat.

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