Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Jesse's Girl

I really, really hope Damian (aka, Most Likely To Unintentionally Give Ryan Murphy A Hard-On) does well in this competition.  For one:

he's also totally 'most likely to make me swoon'. LOOK AT HOW CUTE HE IS. It's unbearable.  I simultaneously want to hug him, seduce him, and kill him for being cuter than I am all at once.  WE WERE MEANT TO BE.  Plus, fucking up that lyric had to be the cutest, most beneficial fluke I have ever seen on a reality TV show.  However, I have to stay objective here:

He was probably the worst in the video.

First off, he looked paralyzed.  The only body parts he moved were his arms and his eye brows.  Second of all, what was with that stance?  Legs apart, head down the whole time, turned at an awkward angle that made him practically invisible.  It didn't help that the costume department dressed him up to look like that one guy in the neighborhood who your mother always told you to stay away from.  You know, the one where if he offered you candy, you were to run away screaming as loudly as possible? Yeah, now you remember.

Let this be a lesson to all that you never piss off a fashion gay.  Bitches are vicious, especially when they're forced to live in LA.

And I don't know what it was about his outro, but it seemed like there was a huge pocket of dead time between when he did this awkward little run away thing, and when the next thing started.  Although, his entire solo seemed like dead time to begin with.

...okay, maybe I'm being too mean to Jesse's Girl.  I mean, he came up with one of the cutest superlatives (Soap Star) and all of his singing was pretty good.  He just DESPERATELY needs to stop being shy, especially when it comes to high notes.  He clearly has a personality--dry and subtly humorous as it is--so hopefully this episode's less than stellar performance was just nerves.

Lucky, he had an adorable rendition of Jesse's girl tucked away in his back pocket...

...that made Ryan Murphy want him reaching into his front pocket.

"You're very charming."

Like he was going ANYWHERE after that one.

Like the 'judges' said, he was on the chopping block for looking uncomfortable.  Kid just needs a shot.  Hell, he's Irish, so maybe THAT was the problem--the fucking drinking age in this country.  Clearly all the kid needs is a good fake and he's got this in the bag.

1 comment:

  1. Have you thought of doing stand- up ? Very good critiques and very humorous also!