Tuesday, August 14, 2012

What To Expect/Episode 10 Rankings

When you're watching the Season two finale of the Glee Project.

So I could go on and on like last year about who's going to win this but...


Bitches please. Aylin has had this shit LOCKED DOWN since episode one.

But anyways, lets get on with some rankings.

5) Michael


It was time for the math geek to go, sadly.  I personally found him to be the best actor on the show, but where he started having an interesting voice, he let Nikki get a little too inside of his head, and it ended up making him over think WAY too much, and thus strip his voice of anything that was strong about it.  I still think he's a potentially great actor, but he is most definitely way too green for this kind of thing right now.

But yeah, thank God we got to see him shirtless and sweaty before he caught the boot.

4) Blake

I'm not saying that I would have cut Blake by putting him in the bottom two--honestly, I would have only had a bottom three, instead of making all of them perform, and I don't think that Blake's performance would have merited a bottom three position. However, with his LCP, Blake once again shows that while his acting is definitely some of the strongest in the group, his singing is demonstrably weaker.  Blake has a decent shot of ending up on Glee this upcoming season, but it would send the direct opposite message that Glee tries to advertise if he won the Glee Project.

3) Lily Mae

Lily Mae, Lily Mae, Lily Mae, how truly impressed I was with your LCP; how completely confused I was with the rest of your role in this episode.  Lily Mae played the role of...the girl who wore a old looking dress in the video. Really moving.  You guys, that video was GOD AWFUL and whatever they tried to do with Lily Mae may have been the least cliche, but it was also the least sensical.  Anyways, it'll suck to not see her perform an LCP in the finale.

2) Ali

Ali was pretty freaking amazing in her LCP, but...kind of cheesy in the video performance.  Her strengths however, lie in that she is the most polished of the performers remaining, as well as in this episode.  Plus...I love her in that pink prom dress, and can only IMAGINE WHAT HER FINALE LCP IS GOING TO BE.

1) Aylin

At first when I saw the video, I was like "UGH, I cannot believe they're doing THIS to her." And then I saw her reaction to having to wear it, and I once again exclaimed "I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS." Then I saw amazingly Aylin worked through it to give the performance of the video, and couldn't give her anything less than the top spot.  And that was all BEFORE her killer performance of fighter.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the girl who should, and WILL win tonight: Aylin.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Episode Eight Rankings

Well, I can't find a link to the new episode, but I do owe you guys at least one post today, so let's get to last episode's rankings.

Also, just so there's no confusion, these rankings were decided upon PRIOR to last night.

7) Abraham


I think I've already damaged my relationship with Abraham enough for this blog so I'll only say this: regardless of what really went down in that confrontation with Ryan, it was a classic reality television suicide move.  I'll miss you, Abafierce.

6) Michael

How'd that get there?  Just so you guys know, whenever I'm not able to blog consistently The OMGlee Project blog does a pretty bang up job of getting screenshots and providing the Glee Project gigglies I know you all crave.  Check him out sometime.

Anyways, MICHAEL.  I mean, I don't think it really needs to be articulated anymore that this kid is a little out of his league.  Not in terms of talent, mind you--kids got the raw material in spades.  What he doesn't have is cojones.  Michael could easily be at the top of this heap if he would just suck it up and get down to business.  As it is, I feel that we're only barely getting to surface the surface of his talents.

5) Blake

So it's finally occurred to me the reason why I never really put Blake close to the bottom, even though a ton of people seem to out perform him every episode: we never get to see Blake's behind the scenes moments.  It's time to stop being nice, you guys: the editors are setting Blake up for something, and I think that it's a little unfair that generally all we see are his glowing moments, while everyone else is falling apart.  Granted, he could just be the crazy perfect human being we've all become accustomed to seeing every Tuesday night, but c'mon--no one sharing a two bedroom apartment with 13 strangers for ten weeks is THAT awesome.

TIE: 3) Aylin & Lily Mae

I had the same problem the mentors had this week--I had no idea who did better: Lily or Aylin.  So I tied them.  I thought both ladies did crazy good this week: Aylin edging out Lily in the homework assignment, and Lily edging out Aylin in the vocal booth, as well as giving a kick ass last chance performance that left me in a puddle of giggles.  Where they both completely outshone everyone was the video--the two of them popped out like Pamela Anderson in a bandage dress.  However, since this is apparently becoming the 'Professionalism Project' the two of these girls (and Michael and Abraham) got screwed over when they couldn't figure out how to double dutch.  There is not enough OY in the world for how I feel about that.

2) Ali

So it's going to be a pretty hard argument convincing you guys of this, since obviously, Ali took the homework assignment by a landslide, and killed it pretty much everywhere else...

1) Shanna

But Shanna KILLED this weeks theme.  Yet again, listening to her voiceover, saying that she would let her legs give out before she quit, as she vomited into a trash can--THAT is tenacity.  Shanna could have topped on technicalities alone, but that fact that she herself truly embodies tenacity in that she never gives up, not even for a second, and that she keeps pushing on, belting to Jesus as though he was going deaf--how could I not put her at the top of this list this week?  Epically awesome.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Tenacious Takedown

 "Who in here knows the definition of tenacious?"
"I'm guessing everyone with an 8th grade education, but aside from that: DUH."

Ali is seriously starting to make this competition into her own personal practice stage for Glee.  I mean, come on:


GIRL ROLLED DOWN THE STAIRS IN HER WHEELCHAIR.

One thing I will say about the amount of practice time and polish these kids get to put into their homework performances, is that is gives off somewhat of a rehearsed air; I generally got the feeling last season that the kids were somewhat more organically coming up with their own personal stamps on things.  This season, I'm not sure what exactly they're being ranked on, because they all are always so good.


But of course, whilst everyone else just looked kind of stabby, Ali yet again rose above, and presented herself in a way reminiscent of a phoenix rising from the ashes, all fresh attitude and killer vocals.

Oh, and pigtails.  Pigtails are REALLY tenacious.

"Of course you picked me; I look like a Spice Girl. Who could possibly be more tenacious than Posh Spice?"

Although, I have to say, this was one hell of an awkward challenge win.  Amber came thisclose to accidentally admitting to picking her for the win because she was in a wheelchair.  I mean, was it me, or did it sound a lot like Mercedes up there was basically lecturing Ali on how hard it was to be in a wheelchair?

 "So you're telling me, jockstraps are just slutty underwear atheletes wear?"
 "Right, I know what they are from athletics. Definitely NOT gay porn."

So say us all, wheels.


They didn't really give her any extra to do in the video, even though she did have that climactic scene at the end.  Overall she did really well, but she wasn't exactly exceptionally tenacious looking or giving off some stellar performance.

Then again, this video sucked harder that a drunken sorority girl at unlimited margaritas night.*

*margaritas are generally consumed through a straw

"I'm Not Freaking Leaving"


When Abraham inevitably writes his self-published autobiography, I suggest the title be "How I Effectively and Embarrassingly Ended My Career In Show Business".  Seriously, babe, I LOVE you to pieces, but that advil that they gave you for your ankle was almost definitely laced with some kind of PCP.  Never trust anyone on a reality television set, not even the medics, kid.

"I was supposed to be a laywer; I gave up a lot to be here."

Like your parents' hard work paying for college, and a salaried career.

Honey, just remember, you asked for bitchy. Well, now you're getting it.

 "Amber here is so tenacious, she broke here foot in rehearsals! Let's hear it for Amber!"
"Nice try Botox; I'm still suing."

How fabulous was she?  Also, how fabulously was she dressed? Clearly another member of the Glee costume gays' scorn.


What I find truly bizarre is that this was gearing up to really be Abraham's week: 'Survivor' should have been the perfect time for him to work in all of his trademark fierceness.  Instead, we got the twitchy diva stuff that's plagued him from time to time during the competition.  More on that later.


Except my screenshot ordering says we're getting into that right now.  Here's the deal: Abraham has a lovely tone to his voice, but he very obviously has no idea how to use it.  Pretty much everyone on the show has been pushing this 'androgynous' angle for him to pick up (Ryan, Nikki; and c'mon, like 'Man In The Mirror' and 'Bowie' were accidents) and all the while, he fought against their help, and insisted that he was BeyoncĂ©'s Asian twin.  Far be it from me to side with Ryan Murphy, but honey? You're 24, have practically zero professional experience, and these people who, like it or not, totally know their shit inside and out, and were basically handing you a role to play on Glee: try listening.


I originally was pretty flippant about this whole fiasco, until I noticed the fall Abraham took in the upper corner of one of the frames--his head smacks into that door really, really hard.

 "Can I get an icepack real quick?"
"Wait, icepacks aren't tenacious! You're trying to trick me! Fuck it, SHOOT ME IN THE ANKLE."

Of course, after that he starts going a little insane.

"Abraham playing up his ankle is what's screwing him up today."

Wait, Abraham is overreacting to him over-thinking something otherwise completely innocuous?

NO WAY.


Abraham was pretty good in the video--his voice ended up really working with the song, even though the whole thing was pretty intensely mixed.  He was just really, really cute throughout.


And this also had me really, really impressed.  This is what I'm talking about, with the androgynous thing: this Michael Jackson song is really tricky to sing, but Abraham's got just the vibe and voice to pull this kind of thing off. In a way, it's kind of sad he had to go home, because this episode you could really see just how far he'd come as a performer--it would have been nice to watch him continue to grow.


Instead, THIS HAPPENED.

I actually think instead of me telling you what I thought of this fiasco, that I'd just remind you of what the master of bitchery had to say:

 "Listen here you entitled little twink."
 "I am responsible for half the careers in all of cable and young Hollywood right now; I fucking fired Lea Michele for christsake."
 "And you think, what? Because you can make your voice sound like a lawnmower chewing through "Crazy In Love" that I'm just going to write you a role on Glee? The most popular show on cable?"
"I don't think so; this is how this is really gonna go:"
 "I'm going to give you the finger, and you're going to get your fucking moonboots off my stage."
 "Now leave my sight before I sick Jane Lynch on your ass."
 "..."
 "..."
"...so, no freaking role on Glee?"
  "GO."

Seriously, I'm am bowing down to that beacon of bitchery right now.  I have a serious new found respect for Asshat McBitchpants right now.